Today is Our Last Anniversary

June will be December
2 will have 24 more
7 years will go back to nil
And count from there to hopefully more years.

Harder it might be
Tears - more to flow maybe
But smiles and laughter I see
Everlasting lovers we pray to be.

Happy anniversary "honey me"!

photo taken by my friend Borj: One Bermuda Sunday

It's easy not to work hard.

Having been together for almost seven years now, Chad and I get to the point that it's at times easier to be indifferent of the other rather than ask, "what's wrong?". For instance, when I think I did nothing wrong, even though I feel that he's not okay with something (which I do not know what or... let's say I have a hint, but do not want to confirm it, just to avoid the argument), I'd rather be silent about it, and try to act as if everything's normal. A world of make believe could be better than to confront the truth.

Certainly, that's not what we were taught in the pre-marriage course. I still remember the facilitators highlighting COMMUNICATION as the most important ingredient of a lasting relationship. And I still remember them saying it's not gonna be easy... it's real work... it's hard work.

They say experience is the best teacher... Bingo! Now I am starting to get a bird's eye view of what hard work means. Who knows what more awaits us in the long journey we're about to take...
photo: Random bride and groom at Smith's Bay... taken by my friend Alveen

Marriage Preparation (Part II)

Chad and I completed the second phase of the Marriage Preparation Course that we enrolled into. This time, it's a teaching session (with interview) with a priest. Realized there's much to learn and that however easy it is to hear/imagine the theories, it's always not effortless to put them into practice.

Here's to share some rules and tools for a Great Marriage:

1. Make your spouse a priority
2. Accept differences
3. Listen
   
4. Compliment daily
5. Work as a team
6. Mind your manners (this could be hard when you are already very comfortable with each other)
   
7. Watch less TV (now I am guilty!!!!)
8. Find time for fun
9. Do the little things (this is really effective for all relationships)
10. Think positive
11. Fight fair and look for the win-win situation
12. Forgive
13. God to bed at the same time
14. Develop mutual friends
15. Date
16. Pray together

Read #13.

Fr. Joe (the priest) asked me to read it twice, and I was mistaken... twice!!!
I wouldn't want you to ever miss that in your relationships the way that I did!

Chad and I: Are we compatible?

I took this test and I must say, the results were actually better than I expected. Probably because even at the early stage of our relationship, most people do not think we will make it through. I thought, why would this test be any different?

Big Five Compatibility Test Extroversion |||||||||||||| 60% |||||| 24% Friendliness |||||||||||| 50% |||||||||| 32% Orderliness |||||||||||||| 58% |||||||||||||||||||| 86% Emotional Stability |||||||||||| 48% |||||||||| 40% Openmindedness |||||||||| 34% |||||||||| 36% scale key - you |||||| them |||||| Your overall similarity is 69%. Your overall complementarity is 63%.

Take Free Big Five Compatibility Test

Our Office Smells!!!

I got a surprise last Monday. My manager said, there were flowers for me. I did not believe her; must be one of her funny jokes.

Then came the man with a big vase of flowers... he said it's for me! I was in shock! Good thing I managed to ask him who it's from. He just said, "This must be your lucky day!". Well, he must be right with that!

I had to call Chad to confirm! He said he didn't want to mess it all up by including his handwriting in the package (He does not write very good.). Sweet nevertheless!!!

My officemates kept asking what the flowers were for! I wish I knew! So I just told them Chad's reply, he must be making prepayments for possible faults he might do in the future! Giggles after that.

And the office smells! There are times during the day when the flowers would smell really good. I couldn't get enough, I wish I could take them home! But that would have to wait, as my officemates seem to enjoy my great surprise too! For this weekend, guess I'll have to settle with this picture taken thru my mobile phone.

Agree or Disagree? (A Quiz)

Last Wednesday in the premarriage course, Chad and I were asked to complete the quiz below. We thought we have already talked about most things in our relationship. And yet we still had some doubts whether the other answered the same (or not) in some of the questions.

For couples, I suggest you both take this quiz and share your answers with your partner. For singles who are looking for love, read on, and find out what you should be considering when you look for a partner.

There are no correct or wrong answers in this quiz. The idea is to realize what your values are, and if they are in line with your partner's, if you have one yet. Just write down whether you Agree (A) or Disagree (D) with the below statements.

1. I want to have a bank account under my own name, apart from me and my partner's joint account.
2. We will divide household chores equally.
3. My partner may have a regular night out.
4. It does not matter whether he/she makes more money since it's all ours anyway.
5. All our friends should be mutual friends.
6. It is okay to make friends of opposite gender.
7. Free time and space are important for me.
8. We should make specific time for each other's family.
9. We each have an equal say in when and how many times I/she concieve(s) a child.
10. When we get married, it's like marrying his/her family too.
11. It is not important that we attend religious services regularly.
12. It is okay for him/her to make a major purchase without consulting me.
13. Whoever pays for the wedding should have the final approval of all wedding plans.
14. The importance of my job is not measured by the amount of money I earn.

Formula for Marriage

We are about 30 couples who attended the pre-marriage course last Wednesday. We were tasked to identify what we think are the three most important elements of marriage. The most number of votes were:

1. Trust

2. Respect

3. Communication

And the instructors said, these answers always come up from each group year after year.

Wedding Preparation

My boyfriend Chad and I enrolled ourselves in a marriage preparation course: A Marriage in the Lord - For a Lifelong Marriage. We would be attending a classroom session for four Wednesdays (should have been five; we enrolled late). I thought I'd share with you some insights from the course.

PEPP is the acronym to remember. These are what's important in marriage.

Primacy - While not married yet, I can say I might have been guilty of not putting my future marriage over any other relationship. It is taught (and I am certain it is just but right), that marriage is a primary relationship.

Empowerment - I have heard and I know a few couples who keep dating after being married for years. One of my soon-to-be Ninong (i.e. wedding sponsor) even celebrates monthsaries (as with anniversaries) with his wife. Some couples do stuff together: like sports, arts, etc.

Protection- Who else are expected to protect the marriage but the husband and the wife. Each of them may be faced with problems and pressures from various sources, including friends and family from both sides. It is said that for a marriage to succeed, it should remain the most important relationship in their lives.

Prayer - God's help is a must for building a good marriage. My mom always says that we should put God in the center of our relationship.

I am sure it is very easy to forget the above, especially when one is caught up with other tasks and responsibilities in his/her life. So while I can, I would repeat and repeat and repeat this to myself... and hope that I be reminded as I go along.

PEPP... PEPP... PEPP...

The Ring

This post is for you Ace... now you see "the ring worn in my hand". =p

All About Reactions

I got a number of reactions and responses from my friends and family who heard about the engagement. I wanted to reply to each one but a text message is just not enough to cover the story. Hope I'll be able to answer their yearnings for details here... and share a few more things about the event.

I never really told anyone yet until I had the ring sized to fit my finger. Unfortunately, my then boyfriend thought my ring finger is a little bigger than it is. My fiance put the ring on my finger on February 18. He proposed on the 14th.

Another reason that I did not tell anyone yet is that my fiance and I had a misunderstanding right after the proposal. We had everything settled only on the night of the 17th. So everything was just timely to tell the news the day I got the ring.

So I told my family and closest friends about it. The general reaction was: "Wow! Congrats!/Best wishes! How did he propose?" I guess I was to blame for that question. It was kinda leading when I texted you guys that he proposed; instead of just saying we got engaged.

On February 13, after office, we had dinner at one of our favorite restaurants here. He gave me flowers, artificial ones. Before you take it against him, let me tell you that I requested for that. I wanted to add flowers to that dead spot in our studio so I asked him to buy those for me on V day. (I would not want to buy them myself as they are more expensive than real ones! If you know me well, you would understand... Hehehe.)

Saturday morning, 14th, I woke up later than he did (as it would normally be). The only thing different is that he is in bed, watching over me, when he would usually be doing stuff in the living room. He smirked and just popped a small black box. I am not naive to not know what that was and what it's for, but I asked anyway. It took a while and a little teasing from me before he said those words in three languages: English, Filipino, and some Chinese (which obviously I did not understand - and could probably be wrong since he's not really good in Chinese).

So there ends the story of the proposal. I could not remember when I answered since it also took a while. It probably was between an argument which we had right after we got out of bed. Not your conventional proposal moment I suppose. But if you're looking for a romantic scene, I can tell you that also between our argumentative lines, he knelt on his knees holding the ring (but he was kinda joking). The rest is history.

Going back to the reactions, the strangest one I got was from my mother. I told her through Skype, I showed her the ring. I guess she did not get it at first since she said, "Ilang carat?" (How many carats?). I could not remember when I told her that it was from my fiance, but I remember her asking again if the gold is of good quality. Hahahaha!!! Could you imagine my face when I got that reactions? (To be fair to my Mom, I am not really sure if I made her understand that I got engaged. I think I just assumed she would know.) I was so disappointed that I no longer ask to talk to my Dad to tell him. Maybe tonight I will.

This morning, my fiance and I spoke with his mom who, I found out, knew about the plan all along. She said, when the wedding's done, I get to call her "Mama". At least this eliminates the usual awkwardness that married people normally have when they do not know how the in-laws want to be called. I know few people who had this dilemma.

So much for my/their reactions. What's yours?